Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell

Written by Keith Waterhouse
Jeffrey Bernard was a legendary figure in Soho through the 1950s till his death in 1997. He somehow succeeded in immortalising his own chaotic lifestyle in a long-running weekly column, Low Life, originally in the New Statesman from 1973, before moving on to The Spectator in 1975. It chronicled his daily round of boozing, gambling and general dissipation, much of it evidenced at his infamous Soho local, the Coach and Horses. Jeff was often too far gone to produce the weekly column, on which occasions the magazine would print the classic notice ‘Jeffrey Bernard is unwell’. But his column did appear over a remarkable stretch of years, leading one witty commentator to call it “the longest suicide note in history”.
Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell is set in the preferred Soho haunt of the old rogue, the Coach and Horses pub, faded panelling, well-worn red leatherette stools and benches, cartoons on the wall. Jeff awakes from a bacchanalian slumber in the small hours of the morning. He’s locked in. Cue a lurch towards the vodka bottle, and a rambling trip down memory lane by the original Grumpy Old Man.